Allow yourself to feel!
As part of my anxiety, I have avoidance issues. I pretend that everything is okay! I busy myself with work, dance, the boards I’m a part of… all good things! Things that help me be a better leader and dancer and help me learn and expand. However, it is not good when you do everything in your power to not feel. I tend to hide all of the emotions and plaster them with apathy. However, this doesn’t work--it never works. Our feelings are messengers that tell us how we need to react, but if you are anything like me, you can spend a lifetime avoiding your feelings that when it is time to listen to your feelings. You are too overwhelmed to make a choice. It is not easy, it takes a long time to learn how to feel! But it is so worth it. It has made me a better leader, a better friend, and hopefully a better spouse when that time comes.
Extend Grace.
I heard this at one of my many work training sessions and since then I have used it as a reminder of how I want to treat others but furthermore, how I want to treat myself. I have observed how we tend to treat ourselves and how we are our own worst critic and our own worst cheerleaders! Let me explain, some self-help books, and Codependents Anonymous call it being “your own loving parent.” I call it extending grace to yourself. When someone you love is late, or interrupts you, or forgets to call you back, you extend grace. You know that this person would never do anything to intentionally cause you harm or go out of their way to hurt you. You forgive them and know that they just got hung-up, excited, or fell asleep reading a book. You cheer them on! You help them make better decisions by listening attentively with love. BUT the moment you are late, or interrupt someone, or forget to call, you start this cycle ‘ I always do that, I’m such a bad friend, how can anyone (insert garbage here) and I need to stop and you need to stop and we all need to stop! Why? Because that type of cognitive behavior only leads to more thoughts or depression and anxiety. This is not easy, if you are like me you have to learn all of the negative self-talk and learn to extend grace.
Seek Medical Attention!
This seems like the most logical thing to do! When you have a broken arm or a sinus infection you go to the doctor! But, it is strange but the moment we have mental health issues we tend to think that it is THE WORST thing in the world to go see a therapist. But I am here to tell you it works! It is hard; it is not easy to tell a stranger your problems and your deepest darkest secrets. I’ve found it easier, think about it, you are paying this person to help you fix your head! They care, but this is also their profession. Again, I am speaking as someone who has visited some kind of therapist of and on for the last 20 years. All I am saying is that if we are physically sick we visit a doctor and when we are depressed or anxious we think there is nothing a doctor can do for us. Find the right combination for you. For me it is a cognitive behavioral therapist with a conversation of low dose antidepressants. In the past I have seen a holistic doctor with a combination of existential therapy. Here is the advice I have to give you!
Do your research- You have google but here is a link to get you started: https://www.talkspace.com/blog/different-types-therapy-psychotherapy-best/
Don’t be afraid to try and fail.
Have an open mind and heart!
Tell someone who loves that you are looking to start Therapy and make sure they check-in on you to make sure you are actually doing it! For me, it was telling my Chiropractor that “I NEEDED TO SEE SOMEONE” then asking for a list of people she trusted.
Let me tell you one last thing!
There is no magic pill. ( Although my antidepressant is working wonderfully). We are all different, but we are all made to be whole and no one should have to live with the annoyance of depression. This is what works for me and how I try to make beauty out of my mess. I hope this helps you, gives you a guideline and launching pad for a happier, healthier, and more you YOU!
Until next time,
Stay Hydrated, take your vitamins and be Kind!
Love,
Marielena
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